My husband Ben was staring vacantly out at nothing in particular while standing in our kitchen as I was preparing dinner one evening and said, “We made a mistake buying this house.”
WTF, I thought. On a hunch that this was a low blood sugar moment, I asked, “Umm… when was the last time you ate?”
He thought about it. “Noon.”
(It was 6 PM.)
About twenty minutes later after having some nuts and cracker, he said, “Never mind, I love this house.”
On that note, how’s your body budget?
We do our best thinking and can access more perspective and a sense of agency when our body budgets aren’t bankrupt.
And no judgment if you feel like yours is depleted – I don’t have to tell you there are lots of good reasons why that’s the case. You’re in really good company, unfortunately.
If you haven’t heard of the term “body budget” (I’ve written about it before here) it was coined by renowned neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett. “Just as a financial budget keeps track of money,” she says, “the budget for your body tracks resources like water, salt and glucose as you gain and lose them…The scientific name for body budgeting is allostasis.”
Barrett believes the brain’s primary job is to manage our energy and internal resources.
You already know what your withdrawals are. It’s a lot, I know.
Some withdrawals are unavoidable but some things are within your control, like discerning how and when you engage with the news, dropping self-judgment (yep, considered a withdrawal), and practicing healthy boundaries on your time.
And if you consider your actual bank account, it’s usually not enough to try to limit unnecessary spending, you also need deposits. A client of mine calls it making both “loving limits” and “active deposits” (shared with permission).
So I’m curious: what are your deposits right now? What helps you recover a sense of okayness, peace or wellbeing?
For many of us right now, it’s about prioritizing the basics, like sleep and not skipping meals.
That may be enough and if so, it’s helpful to affirm to yourself, “that’s enough right now.”
For me, my mind keeps returning to this quote from Seattle writer and activist Dan Savage:
“During the darkest days of the AIDS Crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for.”
My friend Cindy recently shared that her word and intention for the year is joy. She cites Audre Lorde’s teaching on self-care as inspiration.
Joy.
It’s easy to dismiss that with “good for her, not for me,” but then the next day, I listened to an interview with Dr. Judith Joseph, a psychiatrist and researcher say she recommends all of her busy moms take out their calendars and “schedule joy” in their appointments with her. It’s her recommendation as a brilliant happiness researcher and single mom. Dr. Joseph is the first person to conduct research on what she calls high-functioning depression.* (You can check out her quick free quiz here.)
It makes sense if your body budget feels depleted right now.
Just know that the state of your body budget will impact the lens through which you see the world (see example with Ben above).
Simply being cognizant of the state of your body budget and then having the self-awareness and humility to know when you’re not resourced enough to have a clear perspective Is a game-changer in my personal experience.
And then reaching for what you need: support, a snack, fresh air, a conversation with a friend who fills your body budget, an earlier bedtime, permission to do something fun.
When you’re more resourced, your lens changes. Creativity, compassion and the capacity to connect becomes possible. I’m frequently amazed by this in my own life. The long to-do’s and demands haven’t changed after I come back from taking time for myself (sometimes reluctantly), but how I relate to them does.
More than ever, the world needs good people to not just work harder, but to work smarter.
Your peace, your wellbeing, your joy matters.
It’s the dance we’re fighting for.
Now, time for my snack.
Minh-Hai
Related posts:
Nedra Glover Tawwab: Are We Actually Trying to Feel Better? The power of choosing to do things that make us feel good
Katie Seaver: Compasses are kind of like iPhones. She tells her friend, “Girl, your [inner] compass is working just fine. It’s just that when your compass is out of batteries, the only thing it’s going to tell you is to recharge the batteries. You’re not going to get any more information until there’s more juice in that thing.”
Sara Kuburic: Tired vs. Unfulfilled: A Wake-up Call for Your Soul. Therapist Kuburic writes: “Ask yourself: Do I need rest, or do I need to reconnect with what matters most to me?” She shares about a time when she was getting plenty of sleep but still struggled with fatigue and constantly feeling meh.
*I’m a nutrition therapist, yoga and iRest meditation teacher supporting clients with weight-inclusive self-care but I’m not a mental health therapist. If you suspect you’re struggling with reaching for what you need to replenish your body budget, I highly recommend working with a good-fit therapist. Feel free to reach out if you don’t know where to start looking for one.
Quote:
“My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. The effect you have on others’ lives is the highest expression of your own.”
Maya Angelou
Source: Letter to My Daughter
I’m grateful to be doing work that is so rewarding, supporting people to have a better relationship with their food, body and mind.
My approach is strengths-based, trauma-informed, weight-inclusive (Health At Every Size based) and grounded in cultural humility.
Both my nutrition therapy and body-based practices are influenced by a wide range of teachings and modalities that allow my approach to be both eclectic and more effective than simply working with one lens or modality.
By working together, I hope you’ll gain insight, compassion and tools to feel more resourced and confident about how you feed and care for yourself – well after our time together ends.