I recently gathered a handful of mom friends from my kids’ school for dinner the evening before Mother’s Day.
I could sense one friend really wanted to cancel. Totally understandable with the stress and uncertainty she had been experiencing. I saw her earlier that day and she seemed pretty worn down, body and spirit. I’m sure the idea of “socializing” sounded like too much effort and the comfortable couch at home was calling her name. You know the feeling?
Fast forward, and she managed to rally. By the end of the evening, she was laughing hysterically (she’s got a great laugh) and left in high spirits. The next morning, she texted the group saying the evening was “epic” and “soul-satisfying.”
It got me curious: what’s something you rarely feel like doing but find yourself almost always feeling better afterwards?
Some examples I’ve heard from friends and clients:
There’s a theory that both your thoughts and what you “feel like” doing reflects the current state of your nervous system. And if you want to shift your state, it might mean reaching for something that might not always feel intuitive.
From a body budget standpoint, consider what feels like a short-term withdrawal (takes energy to reach for) and long-term deposit (but leaves you feeling more resourced than before).
It’s easy to fall into the trap of waiting until you feel like it:
For me, I never feel like going to the dentist. Or writing. Or meditating. But I do love the feeling of clean teeth, having written and feeling more settled and present.
Once something’s a regular habit, it’s easier to maintain and remember the good feelings from the last time you [fill in the blank] because it wasn’t that long ago.
Ironically, my clients who are the most goal-oriented high achievers often struggle the most with finding their groove again when it comes to self–care. Perfectionism can be paralyzing. When you set the bar too high, it’s easy to dismiss small steps and say “well that’s lame…that doesn’t count.” And yet: baby steps provide the magic key out of inertia. (see: C-work)
My fear in sending this post out is that you’ll think I’m implying you need to “try harder.” The last thing I want to do is give your inner critic more fuel.
Instead, consider this an invitation to take a step back and ask yourself: is there a loving action and gift to your near future self that might not feel completely comfortable right now? I’m thinking back to my friend above: the last thing she felt like doing turned out to be what she needed the most.
How about you?
What’s something you rarely feel like doing but almost always glad you did?
Is there a tiny step you can take?
Do you have the support you need?
Rooting for you,
Minh-Hai
Related Resources:
How self-compassion helps motivation: Kristin Neff, Ph, a leading researcher on self-compassion writes, “One of the biggest blocks to practicing self-compassion is the belief that it will undermine our motivation…The opposite is true.” Link includes a 7-minute motivating self-compassion break.
8 Arms Moms Group: If you’re a mom and feel like you’re holding it ALL up, my friend and brilliant psychologist Dr. Feliza Guidero has a support group for you to set it down. In community. I told her I liked her original “Octomoms name idea better until I realized there’s an ACTUAL Octomom. Oops.
I’m grateful to be doing work that is so rewarding, supporting people to have a better relationship with their food, body and mind.
My approach is strengths-based, trauma-informed, weight-inclusive (Health At Every Size based) and grounded in cultural humility.
Both my nutrition therapy and body-based practices are influenced by a wide range of teachings and modalities that allow my approach to be both eclectic and more effective than simply working with one lens or modality.
By working together, I hope you’ll gain insight, compassion and tools to feel more resourced and confident about how you feed and care for yourself – well after our time together ends.